zondag 18 november 2007

wat ik eigenlijk wou zeggen

En het verschil in cultuur en daaruit voortvloeiende verschillende opvattingen m.b.t. omgangsvormen hebben naast een regelmatig terugkerende taalbarrière weleens gezorgd voor miscommunicatie en soms niet begrepen worden of het begrijpen van Nederlanders. Dit bemoeilijkt het maken van vriendschappen en daarin begrepen worden.-extract uit een brief met betrekking tot het vertrek van een allochtoon familie uit een gemeente-

Deze taal, ik niet begrijp. Zo koud. Gevoelloos. Weet niet wat ik zeggen moet. Je begrip, mijn begrip. Wij anders dan jullie. Ja zo. Nederlanders zijn nederlanders en wij allochtonen...wat dan?

Je moet haar eens ontmoeten, zeggen ze. Zij is ook allochtoon.
Zo ben ik verdeeld in een vakje.

Ik niet begrijp. Misschien mijn kleur spreekt meer dan mijn tong.
Nu spreek ik apen taal.

Niet goed. Niet goed genoeg voor nederlanders.

Niet willen begrijpen. Of niet begrepen willen worden. Ik ben niet begrepen. Mijn taal slipt door...mijn tong slipt door...Ik zeg de woorden verkeerd. Ben ik? Ik ben? Wat ben ik?

Allochtoon.

Mijn naam, betekent buitenlander, buitenstaander, iemand uit een ander land, iemand die niet echt bij hoort.

Weet niet wat ik daarmee moet.

Hoor eens, hoor eens.

Ik zeg, geen zand erover.

Wij praten. Niet zwijgen. Niet je rug naar mij toe keren.

Ik ben. Ik ben ook mens. Ik ben ook mens net als jij. Misschien donkerder, misschien anders, misschien trager, misschien gevoeliger, misschien... misschien... misschien...

Er is geen genade hier.

****
It's amazing how prejudice exists in sacred spaces. Here, where allochtonen (foreigners) are grouped together and somehow exist alongside society or community instead of inside of or as part of. It's especially frustrating when this exclusion takes place within the community of the Christian Church.

The above is a rebuke. Here above, I sometimes deliberately use incorrect Dutch because it emphasizes my struggle with this culture.

***

Translation:

This language, I not understand. So cold. Feelingless. Don’t know what I must say. Your understanding, my understanding. We, different from you. Yes, so. Netherlanders are Netherlands, en we foreigners...what then?

You must meet her, they say. She is also foreigner.

So, they put me inside a box.

I not understand. Perhaps my color speaks more than my tongue.

Now speak I, monkey language.

Not good. Not good enough for Netherlanders.

Not want to understand. Or not wanting to be understood. I am not understood. My language slips…my tongue slips…I say the words wrong.

Am I? I am? What am I?

Foreigner.

My name means outsider, someone from another land, someone who doesn’t belong.

Don’t know what I must do with that.

Listen, listen.

I say, no sand spread over.

We talk. Not silent. No turning your back on me.

I am. I am also human. I am also human like you. Maybe darker, maybe different, maybe slower, maybe more sensitive, maybe…maybe…maybe…

There is no mercy here.

6 opmerkingen:

Apol zei

Moi veux. Moi l'aime. Ceci. Ce que tu as écrit, ça m'a plu. Trop. Moi trouve que ça pique. Ca pique super bien!

----

Me want. Me like it. This. What you wrote pleased me. Very much. Me find that it stings. It stings very well!

Apol

rcloenen-ruiz zei

The winner of this year's Black Magic Woman Artist's Award said she wondered what would happen if we all lost our accents. Would it change the way people perceive each other.

I find myself wondering what would happen if we all had the same color of skin. Would it erase the barriers brought about by preconceived notions of another culture?

deceptively_good zei

i wish i was able to express this sentiment as well as you did, when i was in france 2 years ago...it was both a curse and a blessing to truly realize then that i grew up in a culture that loves foreigners...

Anna zei

wauw. ik woonde voor een lange tijd in belgie toen ik nog een kind was, en kom ook van de Filipijnen, maar had tog niet zon diskriminatie gevoeld. het was al lang geleden, kan je mijn vlaams nog verstaan?

i liked what you wrote though it kind of scares me. i'm applying for masters in the netherlands next year. welke stad kom je vandaan? is it really that bad over there?

rcloenen-ruiz zei

Hi Jacqueline,

Thanks for your response to this post. I recognize how there is some sort of built-in prejudice in every culture, and it is a gift indeed when you come from a place where this prejudice doesn't manifest itself.

Anna,

The thing about this prejudice I'm speaking of here is how it doesn't manifest itself obviously.

If you are here as a guest in the country, most people are really accommodating and helpful, and it's quite easy to say yes, they are tolerant. And it is true. Plenty of Dutch people are tolerant and accepting, but often there are strings attached to this tolerance.

Once a foreigner decides to make his/her home in the Netherlands, there is an unspoken expectation that you as a foreigner must adapt/become Dutch in your ways.

Inburgering (or integration) is often misinterpreted to mean a leaving behind of the culture that's an essential part of who you are. IMHO, this is not a good thing.

Within the context of the christian church, I hoped to see the church as being an inclusive and embracing institution where the stranger and the foreigner is welcomed without expectations/conditions.

The sad thing is how the exclusion occurs without us being aware of it until something /stunning/ as the departure of a family reveals this exclusion to us.

In other words, I think it's important to remember that people who want us to shed our culture or who use culture as an excuse to exclude us are just using this argument as an excuse to mask their intolerance.

Within the context of christianity, there is no Dutch or Filipino culture...there's only Christ's culture which embraces every man and makes us all equal.

Dondi Tiples zei

Wow. I'm not a foreigner in a foreign land, but with this post you brought me there. You write very directly and very poetically, two styles I never really thought would meet in a body of work, particularly in a blog.

@:)