Here's an image I'm working on for a possible story. Also some poems generated from this image. The way I work on a new story sometimes follows this route. I write down an image, poem the mc's emotions, mull over it, and when the time's right, the story will come.
Leaving the Country
Rochita Loenen-Ruiz
Behind the desk, a smooth-faced man smiles and nods his head. He bares his teeth in a grin and accepts paper money hidden between crinkly pages of bond paper. Everyone knows his secret, but it doesn’t make him any less businesslike.
He takes the papers, slides them into a drawer in one smooth movement. An adept-- it’s easy to believe he is innocent and has no knowledge of the bills smoothened out by a flat iron so they appear fresh from the bank.
It’s a simple matter to attach a seal to the end of a wooden stamp. It doesn’t take much effort to lift the stamp, press it into the inkpad and make an indention on the sheet of paper lying in front of him.
He nods his head, stands up at the same time you do. He reaches out grasps your hand in his.
Congratulations, he says. I wish you all success.
And you feel you deserve the words after all the months of chasing after bureaucrats.
You take the paper. You feel its weight. So light, and yet so heavy.
Don’t lose it, the man admonishes.
And you know you won’t because this paper has cost you sweat and tears. Days of scrimping and saving in order to gather together what amounts to a small treasure.
Only a matter of time now, you tell yourself.
You leave the room, and in your mind you are already leaving the country. You are leaving behind this stench of sweat and blood, this memory of rotting consciences and murdered ideals.
Leaving the Country
Leave behind this
dust, this
wretched--
this earth stained
with blood,
and
memory.
Leave.
Leave this
cradle of dreams
broken, torn from
hands wrinkled,
lined,
trembling,
helpless against
an invincible foe.
Release
memories
of winds
in mango season
waves
breaking on
Mindanao’s southern quay
rice
planted--harvested
by eager hands
chants
sang full-bodied
on the crossing.
Don’t look back
in case
regret
tugs
holds you
shakes your resolve
Leave
Leave this
Leave this memory
This
Sky bitter
With indentions of
Land
Torn from
Hands grown weary
of fighting for a place to call your own
And Still
I may have left behind
Mountain and hill, sea and sky
But I carry with me the scent of mangoes
Ripening under a summer sun
the memory of palm leaves rustling
in an afternoon breeze
while the sun transforms the sea
awash with debris into glory
I carry these with me
snapshots of a life I had
No matter where I go
I still call myself Filipino.
donderdag 17 januari 2008
dinsdag 15 januari 2008
Have written my Munting Nayon Column. Munting Nayon now has a website. It's http://mnnetherlands.com. There's this great piece on there about the Noli Me Tangere written by Basilio Valdehuesa. Good stuff.
zaterdag 12 januari 2008
There's a review on Hope Away from Home at The Book Buzz. I wanted to say thanks to Molly for her kind words.
I find it interesting whenever I hear of how readers read/respond to a given work.
**
This afternoon, I was able to connect with Evelyn Miranda-Feliciano, and I'm very pleased she's finally getting an internet connection. There's also been some feedback coming in with regards to Hope Away from Home, and also with regards to the "My Skin, Us" piece (published both in HAH and Route).
**
When I wrote the pieces included in Hope Away from Home, I had no idea they would land within the pages of a book. To me, these pieces were part of a letter I was writing to myself. I needed to make sense of the pieces of my life, and to understand everything I'd experienced. Not everyone has had the same experience I have had, but I think that for everyone who's experienced uprootment, there is a point of recognition.
The story I wrote is the truth of my experience. There are readers who may say there is a lot of negative in my story. And I think, yes, it is true. The experience of uprootment, of losing yourself, of going through discrimination, of knowing humiliation, these are not positive things. And yet, the positive thing I see in all of these is how I needed to go through all these experiences in order to see and to discover this God who burns away everything that is extraneous and unnecessary so that I depend on him alone.
It is through this experience that I am able to embrace the truth of my failures, my loss, my homesickness, myself. It is through this experience that I am able to look at the people in this society and understand that underneath it all, we are all the same. We all ache, we all grieve, we all experience loss, and we all know what it means to be a stranger.
(I am no longer afraid to engage God in conversation because I know that it is in engaging him, it is in discussing my life with him that he becomes truly real. I do argue with God, who doesn't? Is there a rule against carrying on discussions and disagreeing with what's going on in your present life? If there was some rule against it, then God would have created robots instead of beings with free will. )
Struggle continues to be part of my life as a migrant. In a society where we are constantly made conscious of our "allochtoon" identity, it is impossible not to struggle against being othered.
While I am proud of being different, I am also afraid of that difference. We live in a world wherein those who are different are often rejected or outcast. So, I have taught my son to speak up for himself--to say clearly and firmly when he does not like certain things. I have taught him to stand up and speak out against bullying and being bullied. I have also reminded my son that there is nothing wrong with being just the person who he is.
And while I am thankful that he is well-liked by his peers, I am well aware that he has been teased by his classmates for having a mother who is different, who speaks different, and who says words different.
The way I see it, what others think of me and what others think of us isn't important. What matters to me is being able to bring up my children with a sense of self and a recognition of their true worth in the eyes of God. We were all created equal.
Woman is not man's subordinate. Brown skin is not less than white. And because I come from a third world country and speak another language doesn't mean I am of lesser worth.
(to be continued...)
I find it interesting whenever I hear of how readers read/respond to a given work.
**
This afternoon, I was able to connect with Evelyn Miranda-Feliciano, and I'm very pleased she's finally getting an internet connection. There's also been some feedback coming in with regards to Hope Away from Home, and also with regards to the "My Skin, Us" piece (published both in HAH and Route).
**
When I wrote the pieces included in Hope Away from Home, I had no idea they would land within the pages of a book. To me, these pieces were part of a letter I was writing to myself. I needed to make sense of the pieces of my life, and to understand everything I'd experienced. Not everyone has had the same experience I have had, but I think that for everyone who's experienced uprootment, there is a point of recognition.
The story I wrote is the truth of my experience. There are readers who may say there is a lot of negative in my story. And I think, yes, it is true. The experience of uprootment, of losing yourself, of going through discrimination, of knowing humiliation, these are not positive things. And yet, the positive thing I see in all of these is how I needed to go through all these experiences in order to see and to discover this God who burns away everything that is extraneous and unnecessary so that I depend on him alone.
It is through this experience that I am able to embrace the truth of my failures, my loss, my homesickness, myself. It is through this experience that I am able to look at the people in this society and understand that underneath it all, we are all the same. We all ache, we all grieve, we all experience loss, and we all know what it means to be a stranger.
(I am no longer afraid to engage God in conversation because I know that it is in engaging him, it is in discussing my life with him that he becomes truly real. I do argue with God, who doesn't? Is there a rule against carrying on discussions and disagreeing with what's going on in your present life? If there was some rule against it, then God would have created robots instead of beings with free will. )
Struggle continues to be part of my life as a migrant. In a society where we are constantly made conscious of our "allochtoon" identity, it is impossible not to struggle against being othered.
While I am proud of being different, I am also afraid of that difference. We live in a world wherein those who are different are often rejected or outcast. So, I have taught my son to speak up for himself--to say clearly and firmly when he does not like certain things. I have taught him to stand up and speak out against bullying and being bullied. I have also reminded my son that there is nothing wrong with being just the person who he is.
And while I am thankful that he is well-liked by his peers, I am well aware that he has been teased by his classmates for having a mother who is different, who speaks different, and who says words different.
The way I see it, what others think of me and what others think of us isn't important. What matters to me is being able to bring up my children with a sense of self and a recognition of their true worth in the eyes of God. We were all created equal.
Woman is not man's subordinate. Brown skin is not less than white. And because I come from a third world country and speak another language doesn't mean I am of lesser worth.
(to be continued...)
donderdag 10 januari 2008
secret lives
I had a conversation with my across-the-street neighbor who told me that at certain levels of society people are expected to act the same, speak the same, be the same. Deviation from the norm often equals being treated as an outsider. At certain levels of society, the person who is "you" is valued for uniqueness. It all depends on what level you want to be in.
I have a secret life. To the outside world, I am a regular mom. I try my best to cope with mommy stuff, I try to talk and act just as every other regular housewife/mommy acts. In secret, I am a writer of various things. What's more secret is that I write speculative fiction.
Not very many people know about my secret life. My across-the-street neighbor knows, but that's because she also has a secret life and I can't tell you about that because it's her secret.
Anyway, we were talking to each other and speculating on how many of these ordinary moms like me led secret lives. It would be interesting to find out, wouldn't it?
Except, my Dutch friend says, except you'll never know because it's secret.
I have a secret life. To the outside world, I am a regular mom. I try my best to cope with mommy stuff, I try to talk and act just as every other regular housewife/mommy acts. In secret, I am a writer of various things. What's more secret is that I write speculative fiction.
Not very many people know about my secret life. My across-the-street neighbor knows, but that's because she also has a secret life and I can't tell you about that because it's her secret.
Anyway, we were talking to each other and speculating on how many of these ordinary moms like me led secret lives. It would be interesting to find out, wouldn't it?
Except, my Dutch friend says, except you'll never know because it's secret.
maandag 7 januari 2008
start-up
I've been thinking about a lot of things. My aunt, being ill and in the hospital, and me not being able to go home before 2009. I've decided to try my best to send out as many stories as I can this year.
***
Homefront
On the homefront, classes have started up. Today was really windy weather. It took such effort to keep from being blown off the bike today. Phew! What a wind that was.
The start of classes also represents the return of my piano and voice students. Yay! I had three students today and I am soooo glad they're back. I loved the vacation, but Lord knows I am thankful for the cash :)
***
Marktplaats
I've also managed to find a decent buyer for Jan's flying overalls through Marktplaats. I shall check and see if he's sent his payment, then I can put the package in the post.
There's something sad/nostalgic about saying goodbye to these bits and pieces of Jan's life before he married me.
Life does change and we are creating our own adventures together. Secretly, I hope he does get to keep some of the stuff. I mean, he used to love gliding.
Going to take some pics of stuff that could be sellable. I've got this once used babybag,something for the baby chair, some baby clothes that have only been worn once and a shantala bath tub. It won't bring in big cash, but at least, it will create room in our already overcrowded attic.
***
The writing life
I've had two recent acceptances. One story which is coming out at the end of this month and the other at a date not yet known. I did sign contracts and all that already.
I've been writing lots. Since last week, I've completed two new short stories, I've completed the rough draft on another one, and I have submitted a grand total of three stories.
This year should see an increase in my rejection-acceptance ration as my submission ratio increases. I have determined to submit at least 10 stories this year. Biting the bit and doing it too. Kill that pain.
I shall also try to write at least 10 new completed stories this year and I shall do my best to complete rewrites on at least five of the stories stored away and waiting for the final version.
I shall also have to do something with 59 Beads as I haven't touched it yet. It needs a good look-over. I just might do a complete rewrite and retitle the thing into the bargain.
***
***
Homefront
On the homefront, classes have started up. Today was really windy weather. It took such effort to keep from being blown off the bike today. Phew! What a wind that was.
The start of classes also represents the return of my piano and voice students. Yay! I had three students today and I am soooo glad they're back. I loved the vacation, but Lord knows I am thankful for the cash :)
***
Marktplaats
I've also managed to find a decent buyer for Jan's flying overalls through Marktplaats. I shall check and see if he's sent his payment, then I can put the package in the post.
There's something sad/nostalgic about saying goodbye to these bits and pieces of Jan's life before he married me.
Life does change and we are creating our own adventures together. Secretly, I hope he does get to keep some of the stuff. I mean, he used to love gliding.
Going to take some pics of stuff that could be sellable. I've got this once used babybag,something for the baby chair, some baby clothes that have only been worn once and a shantala bath tub. It won't bring in big cash, but at least, it will create room in our already overcrowded attic.
***
The writing life
I've had two recent acceptances. One story which is coming out at the end of this month and the other at a date not yet known. I did sign contracts and all that already.
I've been writing lots. Since last week, I've completed two new short stories, I've completed the rough draft on another one, and I have submitted a grand total of three stories.
This year should see an increase in my rejection-acceptance ration as my submission ratio increases. I have determined to submit at least 10 stories this year. Biting the bit and doing it too. Kill that pain.
I shall also try to write at least 10 new completed stories this year and I shall do my best to complete rewrites on at least five of the stories stored away and waiting for the final version.
I shall also have to do something with 59 Beads as I haven't touched it yet. It needs a good look-over. I just might do a complete rewrite and retitle the thing into the bargain.
***
woensdag 2 januari 2008
Survival tips for the sale season
1. Make a list. List down the things you need, and list down the things you want. Those are two different things.
2. Create a budget. Say to yourself, I will not spend beyond a certain amount at this time.
3. Create time limits.
4. Allow yourself to walk out of a shop without buying anything.
5. When it comes to making a purchase, ask yourself this question: Is this item something I will enjoy using or is this item something I'm buying because it represents a desired status.
6. Don't let yourself get starstruck (by branded items). Make sure that the size is right, that it feels good, and that you love it.
7. Don't panic. Comparison shop because what may seem low-priced in one store could be even priced lower in another store.
8. Relativity is good. Will my life be totally shattered if I don't buy this thing? (Some folks say: I will totally die if I don't have such and such. How true is this statement? Would you really die if you didn't have it?)
9. Ask yourself the question, do I really need this? (my dad does that all the time. More often than not, the answer is : I don't really need this.)
10. If there's something left over after considering the needs part of your list, perhaps you can allow yourself some of the I want part. (I confess my wants are all about books. If I've bought myself a good book, I won't want anything else.)
11. The best way to make sure you stick to your budget during a sale is to bring your budget in cash. When the cash runs out, the budget's gone. You are still allowed to windowshop.
12. Buying is fun, but if buying is the be-all and end-all of a shopping trip...then maybe it's time to check your emotional state.
Oh...and perhaps the best budget keeper I´ve had is taking my son along with me. When I get to browsing tops and skirts and dresses, he says: But mom, don't you have enough of those things already?
2. Create a budget. Say to yourself, I will not spend beyond a certain amount at this time.
3. Create time limits.
4. Allow yourself to walk out of a shop without buying anything.
5. When it comes to making a purchase, ask yourself this question: Is this item something I will enjoy using or is this item something I'm buying because it represents a desired status.
6. Don't let yourself get starstruck (by branded items). Make sure that the size is right, that it feels good, and that you love it.
7. Don't panic. Comparison shop because what may seem low-priced in one store could be even priced lower in another store.
8. Relativity is good. Will my life be totally shattered if I don't buy this thing? (Some folks say: I will totally die if I don't have such and such. How true is this statement? Would you really die if you didn't have it?)
9. Ask yourself the question, do I really need this? (my dad does that all the time. More often than not, the answer is : I don't really need this.)
10. If there's something left over after considering the needs part of your list, perhaps you can allow yourself some of the I want part. (I confess my wants are all about books. If I've bought myself a good book, I won't want anything else.)
11. The best way to make sure you stick to your budget during a sale is to bring your budget in cash. When the cash runs out, the budget's gone. You are still allowed to windowshop.
12. Buying is fun, but if buying is the be-all and end-all of a shopping trip...then maybe it's time to check your emotional state.
Oh...and perhaps the best budget keeper I´ve had is taking my son along with me. When I get to browsing tops and skirts and dresses, he says: But mom, don't you have enough of those things already?
Sale Season is ON
Sale season is on and shops everywhere are busy, busy, busy. Most of the shoppers are moms like me. Budget-conscious housewives who know that this time of year is the ideal time to go shopping for next year's winter clothes, and this time of year is perfect to buy your son the "brand name" shoe he's been begging you for since the start of the school year.
This sale season, I bought myself a lovely thick winter coat and next year's supply of winter pants. I also got the coolest jeans for Joel Jan and a very, very hip vest (which he totally loves) at a buy three and pay for two sale. I think we've done quite well. Samuel's been the really lucky one though. We've had a fresh staple of clothing delivered to our doorstep for free. All these lovely things are inherited from the children of friends who've outgrown them and they look barely used.
This afternoon's fun was a visit to the town of Gouda where they've set up this skating rink. Joel went skating with Karin (his niece) and with a friend we run into. It was a lovely afternoon. Quite chilly, but wonderful.
I think of how much pleasure can be had from watching our kids enjoy themselves. The highlight of the afternoon was seeing Joel's look of pride when he realized he could really skate. I'm glad there's no pricetag on that particular item.
This sale season, I bought myself a lovely thick winter coat and next year's supply of winter pants. I also got the coolest jeans for Joel Jan and a very, very hip vest (which he totally loves) at a buy three and pay for two sale. I think we've done quite well. Samuel's been the really lucky one though. We've had a fresh staple of clothing delivered to our doorstep for free. All these lovely things are inherited from the children of friends who've outgrown them and they look barely used.
This afternoon's fun was a visit to the town of Gouda where they've set up this skating rink. Joel went skating with Karin (his niece) and with a friend we run into. It was a lovely afternoon. Quite chilly, but wonderful.
I think of how much pleasure can be had from watching our kids enjoy themselves. The highlight of the afternoon was seeing Joel's look of pride when he realized he could really skate. I'm glad there's no pricetag on that particular item.
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